FRIDAY'S DRUNKEN RANT PRESENTS: WELCOME TO SUMMER, DONNA

Ah, finally the summer has arrived and hopefully I will not see any of that damn rain for a while. I am not one of those people who want to go dancing in the street and hanging off light poles when I see a bunch of rain. No way in hell. When it’s raining, something snaps in my already deranged brain and makes me want to start chasing old ladies around. Why, you ask. I really don’t know. Maybe it’s because every cartoon I ever saw that had Mother Nature in it, she was portrayed as an old lady. So I blame all old ladies for the damn rain. Hence, the chasing.

I need sun. I function much better in warmer weather. Rain is for people who seek out depression. The reason these people love rain is because they get to stay in their place all day and wallow in their depression. These are the people who later on become flashers or peeping Toms. Trust me on this one. I apologize if you are one of these people, but you know who you are and how you are. Oh, and by the way, how’s the peeping going, you filthy flasher?

I know that the majority of people feel like me. Just look around when it is raining and you’ll see what I mean. When it rains, people are pissed off. They’re crashing their cars in anger, their cursing about getting soaked, they’re chasing old ladies and other random acts of violence. When it is sunny and warm, people are so happy their smiling, waving, handing out money and helping old ladies across the street. So what could be better than the arrival of summer, especially this year. So I say welcome to summer, Donna. And to all you old ladies, rest up and enjoy this summer, because the chasing will commence at the first drop of rain come this fall.