Fucked-Up Friday/Drunken Rants #1

Maybe this will be a weekly session, and maybe it won't, but this is drunken ramblings from a person who may or may not be drunk! So let's go.

Tonight's topic is on the fucking Brady Bunch and how they were the cruelest TV family ever. I mean, they all tried to claim they were a happy and tightknit "bunch" and all that, but there were divisions that they themselves instilled. And who was the victim of their evil empire? Alice B. Nelson, the maid. Yes, the maid. They always claimed that she was one of the family, but they didn't really mean it. Alice to them was a means to an end!
Now first off, they made Alice wear a fucking uniform! What the hell was that all about? I'll tell you. To define her role and let her know and everyone else that at the end of the day, she was nothing more than the person who cleaned up their shit, literally. Even when they went to the store, Alice could not change into her civvies. Oh, no. Then someone might mistake her for an equal to one of the Bradys. Sure, when they went on one of their family vacations (Hawaii, Grand Canyon, and that amusement park-- you know, the one where where Mike's plans got mixed up with the poster of Yogi Bear-- good times) Alice was allowed to go and didn't have to wear the uniform, but she was still on the clock and not allowed to go off on her own. Oh, no, the Bradys might need someone to carry all their shit. A fucking uniform!
Secondly, the Bradys lived in quite a large two-story house (with an even bigger attic-- Greg's future bedroom) with a number of rooms and huge walk-in closets. I mean, it seems they had rooms aplenty, but where did they put Alice? They made her sleep in the laundry room. That's right, the fucking laundry room! How could they, those bastards! I guess their thinking was let's put her there so she's close to the washer and the kitchen in case we need something washed or cooked in the middle of the night. I bet you there were even times when they probably threw in a load of laundry while Alice was trying to sleep. Those bastards would do that too. I bet they even had a coin toss to see who would get the laundry room-- Tiger or Alice. Lucky for Alice she won that coin toss.
Now don't get me wrong. There were times when they were nice to Alice, but they did this because they wanted something. Case in point was they were always encouraging her to go for Sam-- Sam the butcher. And do you know why? So that the Bradys could get a discount on their fucking chuck steaks! What a bunch of horseshit! Alice was encouraged in this instance to take one for the "team." I could see Mr. and Mrs. Brady up in their room plotting this out.

Mike Brady: Carol, the price of meat is getting outrageous.
Carol Brady: I know, Mike. What can we do?
Mike: Well, we're Bradys, and as Bradys, we'll put our heads together and come up
a solution like us Bradys always do.
Carol: Oh, Mike. How?
Mike: We need to get our meat at a discount from someone.
Carol: Oh, Mike, who?
Mike: We need to talk to Alice.
Carol: Oh, Mike, when?
Mike: Tomorrow. If we get her to start "accepting" Sam the butcher's
deliveries, we could start getting our meat at wholesale.
Carol: Oh, Mike, what?
Mike: You know what! Now let's get it on before that brat Cindy tries to come in
here yammering on about some story about her fucking missing doll!
Carol: Oh, Mike.

So there you have it. I cannot write any more because I'm just getting too pissed off thinking about this. Alice B. Nelson was undeserving of this kind of treatment, especially from the likes of this Aryan "bunch." Sorry about all the currse words, but that's what you get on "Fucked-Up Fridays." Why are those margaritas so damn tasty?