TOP TEN TUESDAYS PRESENTS...
TOP TEN REASONS WHY I'M HAVING A WEEKLY TOP TEN TUESDAY
1. So I won't have to watch "American Idol" on this night.
2. Because Top Ten Tuesday equals three "T's", and that is nothing but nice.
3. One can't masturbate all the time (or can one?).
4. My girlfriend told me to stop bugging her during her viewing of "American Idol." She says I can be a pill sometimes. (Substitute "asshole" for "pill" here)
5. Tuesday is caffeine day, and damn it if I haven't had too much right now. I mean, there is caffeine in crack, isn't there?
6. Because whoever heard of a top six list? Now, top sex list, that is something worth exploring. Care to join me? Okay, all the men can ignore that question.
7. For some odd reason, I love making lists after repeated viewings of "Beaches" and "Ruthless People." Midler, you will rue the day for cursing me with this affliction.
8. We all need goals, and not in that European/Latin American/soccer mom kind of "go-o-o-o-o-o-o-al" way.
9. My desire that some soccer mom will eventually read these top tens and want to make sweet love with me in their family passenger minivan. What? Like you haven't had the same damn desire! And that goes for you women too!
10. Well, I can't do it on the Sabbath. That is the day I rest. I mean from writing and manual labor, minus one activity. (See number 3 for more details)
STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR TOP TEN TUESDAY, TAKE TWO.
(directly followed by fucked-up Friday-- don't ask)
1. So I won't have to watch "American Idol" on this night.
2. Because Top Ten Tuesday equals three "T's", and that is nothing but nice.
3. One can't masturbate all the time (or can one?).
4. My girlfriend told me to stop bugging her during her viewing of "American Idol." She says I can be a pill sometimes. (Substitute "asshole" for "pill" here)
5. Tuesday is caffeine day, and damn it if I haven't had too much right now. I mean, there is caffeine in crack, isn't there?
6. Because whoever heard of a top six list? Now, top sex list, that is something worth exploring. Care to join me? Okay, all the men can ignore that question.
7. For some odd reason, I love making lists after repeated viewings of "Beaches" and "Ruthless People." Midler, you will rue the day for cursing me with this affliction.
8. We all need goals, and not in that European/Latin American/soccer mom kind of "go-o-o-o-o-o-o-al" way.
9. My desire that some soccer mom will eventually read these top tens and want to make sweet love with me in their family passenger minivan. What? Like you haven't had the same damn desire! And that goes for you women too!
10. Well, I can't do it on the Sabbath. That is the day I rest. I mean from writing and manual labor, minus one activity. (See number 3 for more details)
STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR TOP TEN TUESDAY, TAKE TWO.
(directly followed by fucked-up Friday-- don't ask)
posted by Cruzbomb at 10:22 PM
2 Comments:
Great blog, you write very funny. I write mine in Spanish, so the three T's do not hold, but it was very funny.
3) Oh?
7) A cursory glance at the day's headlines proves she's to blame for so much more than we ever thought possible...
9) The third seat in our minivan has never been sat on, in the hopes that someday you might need a ride home, and I... well...
But what about Hayley Mills? I had a huge thing for her when I was about eight years old-- all that exposure to "The Parent Trap," "Pollyanna," etc., etc. My thing for Hayley throbbed so (let's rethink this phrasing, shall we?-- Ed.) that I even had a crush on JULIET Mills and pined for Wednesday evenings at 8:00 so I could bask in her maternal, yet oh, so creamy and sensual presence as one half of the TV hit "Nanny and the Professor." But back to Hayley. Round about 1969 she starred in her first "adult" role, with her dad John, if I'm not mistaken-- a provocative drama titillatingly titled "The Family Way." Oh, how my young loins burned (please consider changing this to "young lions"-- Ed.) at just the sight of the movie poster (movie posters routinely got me hot in those days). But my mom got wind of the subject matter and forbade my seeing it, probably to keep Hayley's youthful, presexual luster from fading too rapidly in my youthful, newly sexual view. Which would happen soon enough anyway-- I'd had my moist noctural visitation from Julie Newmar as the Catwoman by then, so Hayley just wasn't gonna cut it for me for much longer. But for a brief time she was, as we used on say on the playground back in 1968, the shit, and I loved her. I saw her years later as a schoolteacher on the show that would eventually morph into "Saved by the Bell," and let's just say that that youthful, presexual luster was plenty faded, but it was neat seeing her again anyway. That little tramp!
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